Catrina

Aside of someone in my family being diagnosed with a terminal illness, or dying, I was presented yesterday with the worst possible news.? I am now in a great turmoil with trying to decide what to do.

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As most of you know by now, my husband is in the Marine Corps.? What you don’t know is that he has been away from home about half of the nearly 19 years that he’s been in.? We have to deal with deployments on a regular basis.? The worst of it was during the years 2001-2004.? He missed the first three years of life for our youngest child, to include each of his birthdays.? During those three years he was home once for two weeks leave and one time he was home between deployments for about four months.

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We’ve been lucky these past two years, since he came home from Iraq the last time in March 2005.? He hasn’t had to go anywhere except for a school here and there.? Most of them only lasting a couple of weeks at a time.? I can deal with that, no problem.? A few weeks is nothing.? Hell, a few months is nothing to us either.

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Last night after dinner, we were all having a talk to decide whether or not to home school our oldest two.? When we finished with that, he asked the kids to leave and me to stay.? He then proceeded to say, ‘You know I’ve not had to deploy in a long time.’? Of course I knew that meant he was going to have to leave.? I just wanted to know when.? But it’s a lot more complicated than that this time around.? It isn’t just a matter of when.

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He says to me, ‘Well, it depends.? I can go in September for seven months.? Or I can go next February for thirteen months.’? I said, ‘First of all, go where?’? Which was of course, a stupid question and he said, ‘Where do you think?’? I replied, ‘Iraq of course.? Now tell me, why would I choose the?thirteen month deployment over the seven month deployment.? That’s just stupid.? Of course I’d choose the seven months.’

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Well, apparently it isn’t as easy as it at first appears, to make that decision.? If he goes for the shorter deployment of 7 months, it will be as an advisor to the Iraqi military in Baghdad and it would be a much more dangerous position than the 13 month tour of duty at a regular base out in the middle of the Iraqi desert.? Which, is dangerous enough.

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There is no third option.? I have to choose from these two, and because he isn’t guaranteed to get the one he prefers, we’ve got to decide soon.? The sooner we decide, the more likely it will be that he is given the choice we want.

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How am I supposed to choose?? Obviously I want him to be in the least dangerous position, but he’d be gone over a year!? Thirteen months is a long time.? The longest he’s ever been gone was for fourteen months.? We had a two week visit with him in December of that year.? It was so damn hard.? I thought we’d never have to do that again.? Most deployments are for six months, rarely are they for a year or more.? Now we’re being cursed with a second one.

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I tell you, it is so hard to not run out and have a Taco Bell feast right now!? But, even this will not get in the way of what I am accomplishing.? Life and it’s choices may suck sometimes, but I am truly past the emotional eating and not exercising, just because I feel like crap.? Used to be, in this situation, that I would just eat a lot and go to sleep.? Sleeping and eating were always my way of avoiding unpleasantness in my life.?

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Now, I don’t know what to do.? But I do know what NOT to do. God is with me through it all.? I have faith that He will hold me up through the hard times, whatever may come.? I know I am never alone!

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Pray for me you guys!